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Long time friend, and Chronic Exaggerator
Brandon says:
Bill (or Will, or William - as he is known depending on which part of the world you're in)
has been my friend as long as anyone I have known. Our friendship has thrived despite
the hardships of high school, attending separate colleges, living in different countries, and the
numerous fiascos he has listed below. I consider him to be one of my closest friends and I love
him like a brother. I STRESS, like a brother Bill… So don't get all weird on me.
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Scott
Bill
Josh S
Mikey
Ryan
Josh A
Marty
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How I met the groom
I remember like it was yesterday, 8th grade homeroom. I had just changed from the ever-so-wonderful public schools of Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida to this private school in the middle of down town. As I sat, this tall, lanky, nervous, skinny kid with Harry Potter glasses walked in.
Now, I have never seen a kid so nervous, and for some reason he was wearing all black - and if I vaguely remember - he had painted his right finger nails with black nail polish. So, this kid sat down and we started talking. He too had just arrived from a public school, but from the Mandarin area (explaining the all-black clothes and nail polish). He then proceeded to ask me if I had heard the new Marilyn Manson CD - or was it GWAR?- To which I said, "Sorry I have not."
The kid at first was a little scary, but once we started playing basketball in 8th grade (we were dubbed "The Pac Men" since we were so amazingly good and blocked so many shots) I realized this guy was somewhat normal. We did have something very much in common. Our combined weight was 125 lbs, which was less then most of the girls in our grade. Also, our appetite was massive, and I remember distinctly days sitting with Brandon seeing who could eat the most cheese burgers. I remember one time we were traveling to Baldwin for an away game, and Brandon ate 6 pieces of Fried Chicken… pre-game!
What I think of the groom
What kind of questions is this? The groom is a stuck-up, arrogant %/\#@! who likes to ride reclining bicycles!
Just kidding, Brandon is seriously one of the nicest guys I know. He rarely gets angry at anything, and is one of those guys you can always count on. I have known Brandon for about 14 years and have yet to get in a serious argument with him. He's a solid guy, but he sweats a tad bit too much and for some reason is obsessed with sour cream and onion chips.
My funniest memory/story of/about the groom
I mean, where can I begin? I have so many, but I can try my best to narrow them down.
8th grade lunch break - We were playing "tag football", and Brandon decided to be Randy Moss and dive for a catch. Mind you, we were wearing khaki pants, leather shoes, and button-down shirts with ties. So "Mr. Moss" dives for the ball, misses, and lands on his stomach. Everyone lined up for the next play and Brandon is laying there. Then, with a large voice crack he yells, "Can you please get the teacher? I think I broke my collarbone!" The ambulance came and picked Brandon up and whisked him off to the hospital. Brandon was then in a cast for the next month or so, bragging about his battle scars in the gridiron of tag football.
11th grade - Brandon arrives to school wearing an extremely… extremely tight white shirt with embroidery on the sleeve. After constant comments and more prodding, Brandon admits that he is actually wearing his sister's shirt that he had mistakenly put on that morning.
10th grade - As was the style of the day, most of Brandon's friends, including me, were profiling the latest craze, the "Butt Cut" - you know, parting your hair right down the middle… What? It was cool back then - However, Brandon was no follower. One day, Brandon arrived to school with short bleach blond hair, beginning the surfer hair-cut style. Brandon rolled with this for about 2 years, surprisingly amassing more girlfriends then he had the previous four years.
Euro Trip - I finally convinced Brandon to get on a plane and come visit me in Spain. He asked me what the dress code was, since we would be going to some of the "posh-est" clubs in Madrid. I told him no sneakers, so he went out and bought a very nice pair of leather shoes. The only problem was that they were the most uncomfortable shoes ever, and Brandon's feet started to bleed. He couldn't wear them anymore, so we had to tell all the bouncers that he had just broken his foot and that he was American, so there was no problem.
8th grade (alone at Brandon's house) - When we realized Brandon was somewhat normal, I accepted his invitation to come over for a sleep over. What Brandon forgot to tell us was that his dad worked for the "cable company" and he had every single channel, except for the "late night ones" which his dad had put a password on. For the next four hours, we tried to guess what the code was to no avail. I think we ended up watching Sister Act.
11th grade Meniscus Days - Ahh the meniscus, who could forget this. When Brandon was trying to gain weight, he was eating everything he could put his hands on. Seriously, the kid is a healthy eater. However, with basketball he could never gain any weight. But when he tore his meniscus, that changed. Brandon put on around 40-lbs in about six months and was a tad heavy. To top it off, everyone could see his meniscus on the Internet making the story that much better.
New Years 2002 - We decided that renting a "party bus" would be a good idea, and that drinking as much as possible would be smarter! The party bus took us all over Jacksonville and we were able to see the beautiful Jacksonville Landing and the 10,000 people stumbling around there. This was going to be a good night, I could tell, and it was truly Brandon's night to shine. The kid drank so much that he was dancing on the bus, hugging everyone, and just being a good laugh. However, when the alcohol ran out and it was time to go home, Brandon became a tad sleepy - actually, he passed out. Being the good friend I am, I decided to carry Brandon to his house. Let me remind you that Brandon was not the skinniest of kids, and he was weighing about 2 bills (200-lbs) back then. We staggered into his house where he said he was OK and starting walking towards the couch. I closed the garage door and heard the biggest thud. I walked back inside and see Brandon had actually missed the couch and was sleeping on the floor. Classic!
Departing words/advice for the groom
Well I never thought this day would happen and I am happy you have met someone that is so cool. I can't really give you any advice on marriage as I am a true bachelor. Enjoy the next 10 months as you prepare. I am sure it's going to be exciting.
Any words for the bride?
I hope you can cook, because the kid likes food! All the best in your future and may your days be filled with lollipops and ferries dancing on clouds.
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